Assalamualaikum. Idk how to start it but the only thing i know is its very hurt me to being like this. Idk whether its me being too sensitive or its real. I just dont know. I really need to get away from all of this.
Idk how to explain this but its hurt, very hurt. And you know what, im crying while i type this post. Why its always to be me? Why i cant get my happiness like others? Why i have to face all this? Is it fair for me? You dont know how its feel when being ignored by someone who you really fall into him, like you dont even exist at his world or life. Its hurt. And its even more hurt when you have to pretend to laugh and be happy while your other side is have to bear that pain.
You know how its feel when you have to pretend to be happy and laugh while on the phone with his siblings using his phone while he act like he dont even know you at all? He dont even talk to you even a little. You just hear his voice. And while his siblings talk something about you to him, he scold his siblings and said that he's very busy and so on. And then after his sibling hang out the phone call, he dont even call you back or say something to you. And the worst is you dont even know your fault. Do you know how hurt it is? And he pretend like nothing happen. Can he just say something to me? Who am i to him? Its been a week he doing this to me. Idk whats my fault.
Its hard for me to bear this pain, hold my tears and pendam all this things. Idk what to feel anymore. Sedih, sakit, kecewa, nangis? Aku taktahu. Aku rasa kosong. Taktahu nak buat apa. Aku taktahu nak luah dkt siapa. Aku cuma boleh luahkan dkt sini je. Mungkin betul, aku seorang perempuan yang terlalu berangan angan tinggi tapi aku taktahu angan apa yg tinggi haha i never ask for fancy things. Aku tk pernah minta belikan benda mahal mahal like makeup, clothes, handbag and so on. Paling mahal aku pernah mintak is chocolate. Aku cuma minta perhatian daripada dia. Tu angan angan tinggi ke? Is that to much for a girl?
Yes hobi lagi penting, yes kawan lagi penting, yes passion lagi penting. Habistu aku? Aku siapa? Dia ckp aku future wife, masa depan dia. And yes aku tak nampak pun tempat aku kat mana. Aku boleh rasa yang tempat aku lagi bawah daripada kawan kawan girl dia. Aku dah cukup sakit, penat. Mungkin juga betul, aku ni cuma barang untuk manusia guna.